Just watch The Plague Dogs and it is the most scary and depressing movie ever
THATS WHAT THE FOX SAYS
53 Jokes in Four Minutes (vlogbrothers)
1: What do you call a 5-foot physic who's escaped from jail?
- a small medium at large
2: Why does the mermaid wear seashells?
- cuz she grew out of her B shells (C shells....)
3: What concert costs 45¢?
- 50 cent. featuring nickelback
4: How did the hipster burn his tongue?
- he drank coffee before it was cool
5: What is invisible and smells like carrots?
- rabbit farts
6: What do you call a fake noodle?
- an imPASTA
7: What do you get when you cross the Atlantic with the Titanic?
- about halfway
8: How does Jack Frost get to work?
- by icicle (bicycle)
9: Why did the face of Bo go to the party by himself?
- cuz he had nobody to go with
10: What do you call a fish with no 'i's? (eyes)
- a fish
11: When I found out my toaster was not waterproof I was SHOCKED
12: How often do I make chemistry jokes? Periodically
13: I actually told one just the other day. There was no reaction.
14: My boss, he told me to attach two pieces of wood together. I totally nailed it.
15: If the mushroom was such a fungi (fun guy) why didn't they have the party at his house?
- Cuz there wasn't mushroom (much room)
16: Why did Cleopatra fall off the swing?
- Because she's dead.
17: What's orange and sounds like parrots?
18: A spider just crawled under my keyboard! Okay, I think it's under control. (you get it cuz control's a key...)
19: What does Gary Numan want to be when he grows up?
- Gary Oldman (everybody wants to be Gary Oldman, though)
20: What's Michelle Obama's favorite vegetable?
- Yeah it's broccoli! BARACKOLI
21: What are the strongest days of the week?
- Saturday and Sunday. Cuz all the rest, they're weak days (weekdays)
22: What do you call a pretty woman on the arm of a banjo player?
- A tattoo
23: My friends and I put on a performance on puns. It was basically a play on words.
24: Why do the French only use one egg per omelette?
- Cuz in France, one egg is enough (idk)
25: What did the shy pebble wish?
- Just that she was a little boulder. A LITTLE BOLDER
26: Did you hear?! David lost his ID in Prague! Now we'll just have to call him Dav!
27: Why was 6 afraid of 7?
- Because 7 has cold dead eyes
28: What do you call a pencil without lead?
29: What is Bethoven's favorite fruit?
30: How do you make an octopus giggle ten giggles?
- You give him ten tickles (tentacles)
31: Knock knock.
- Who's there?
- Interrupting owl---
32: Why do gorillas have big nostrils?
- Because they have big fingers
33: Which side of the chicken has more feathers?
- The outside
34: A horse walks into a bar and the bartender says "Why the long face?"
35: and the horse says "I'm finally realizing that my alcoholism is driving my family apart
36: What do you call a man who shaves 20 times a day?
- a barber
37: What did one eye say to the other eye?
- Between you and me man, something smells.
38: Never trust an atom! They make up everything!
39: I took the shell off my racing snail cuz I thought it'd make it a little faster. If anything, it seems more sluggish.
40: Why did the Dalek cross the road?
- to enslave humanity
41: What do you call Santa's little helpers?
- subordinate Clauses
42: What did the hat say to the hat rack?
- You stay here! I'll go on a head (ahead...)
43: Why was the broom late for work?
- Cuz it overswept!
44: *valley girl voice* did you hear? Oxygen magnesium are totally going out. its like OMG
45: Did you hear that the two antennas got married? I heard the ceremony was terrible but the reception was awesome!
46: What's E.T. short for?
- So he can fit on his spaceship-duh!
47: Did you hear about the new corduroy pillows? They're making headlines!
48: My grandad had the heart of a lion! And a lifetime ban from the Bronx Zoo!
49: Sherlock, what do they call primary school in America?
- Elementary, my dear Watson.
50: Why can't you hear a pterodactyl going to the bathroom?
- Because the 'p' (pee) is silent
51: A golden retriever and an Irish setter are on vacation. The Irish setter says to the golden retriever: "Man, I just met two Brazilian dogs!" And the golden retriever says: "Woah, how much is a Brazilian?"
52: How do you cook toilet paper?
- It's easy, you just brown it and then you throw it into the pot
53; Two whales were walking to a bar and one of thems like: "ooooooooooooooooooh" and the other one's like: "man, steve go home! you are drunk!"